THE DAY I WALKED OUT OF MY MARRIAGE | In 2010 I was in my late twenties, happily married, or so I thought. Despite, a few challenges that we had been facing as a couple I was contented in my relationship and deeply in love.
One of the challenges we had faced was that of fertility Despite meeting my then husband back in 2004 and immediately embarking on the quest of becoming parents we had not been successful.
We had gone through tests and the outcome was that neither of us had anything wrong with us and that with time we would conceive.
However well I received the news and waited on fate my other half did not take it so well because he decided to check his virility elsewhere. Without boring you with the details my once happy marriage turned into an unhappy situation for the both of us.
One morning after confronting my husband on discovering a female’s handbag containing a few lady bits inside I walked out of my marriage with a pink little suitcase.
That to me was my moment of greatness. That is a moment that transcended anything that I had ever believed in.
The day I walked out with my pink suitcase that barely contained any of my worldly possessions is a great moment because I was deciding that despite my situation I was worth more than what my marriage was offering me. This is despite not having papers nor savings to my name. In the last year of my marriage insults were slung back and forth between myself and then husband.
Tension was the order of the day and at times we could go for weeks without talking. I spent many an evening or weekend in solitude with just the remote as my companion. Thank God those things are interactive nowadays because I was lonely.
Insults flung at me ranged from being called a barren woman, idiot, etc. My selfesteem was dying.The more things got bad the more I yearned for validation from my husband seeing as I was constantly being called stupid. I became a shadow of myself. All those that know me noticed the changes but I was not going to quit so for a time I hung in there.
However, that particular morning after confronting him of all his wrong doings and being told I was crazy and the bag that was physically present was a figment of my imagination and that I was insecure I walked out in search of security.
Something inside of me broke and I thought if this relationship makes me crazy, insecure and incompetent (his words) as a person I was going to search for those attributes on my own.
The day I left I had been in the country for over ten years without papers. I had relied on family and my husband for so many things. My most important words on a daily basis were, “Thank you”.
On that day I decided I was going to work hard for me and thank me. So here I am celebrating my moment of greatness because walking out with that pink suitcase on that July morning was the birth of the woman that I am today. A few months after leaving him I got my stay.
With nothing to lose I pursued the Home Office on my own. I also fought my way into college.
Regardless of rules in place that made it difficult for people in my then situation to access higher education I badgered the college until they took me on. I have since attended university and I am graduating on the 24th of this month. I am selfsufficient as an individual and rely on no one for my living.
This is one thing that is very important to me. I am yet to reach the pinnacle of my achievements but that action signaled the beginning of a zeal in me to do better and forever celebrate me.
That moment was my moment of greatness Many women are in situations that undermine them as individuals and as women.
It could be marriage, job situations, family, etc. The list is endless. Many are battered emotionally, mentally and physically and they remain because they assume they do not have other options.
I did not have options the day I walked out of my situation. However, by momentarily making myself even more vulnerable than I had previously been I allowed myself to dig deeper within myself for solutions and intensify my zeal for achieving.
It is important to forever evaluate the place where we are in life and if it is destroying the essence of our being we owe it to ourselves to address that situation. We owe it to ourselves to precipitate and attain greatness.
This first appeared in the Big Sister Initiative blog